hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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