There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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