OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
