have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
