So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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