It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
