Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
