If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
