No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
