I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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