wanna go halves on a baby?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
