so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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