We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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