Is it normal to miss your booty call?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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