barbara walters just said penis...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
