NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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