Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
