i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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