Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
