You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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