So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
