i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
