my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
