I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
