If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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