Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
