for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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