Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
