I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
