two words...techno handjob
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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