the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
