What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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