I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
