I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
