so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
