You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
