she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
