cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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