Your tits are I can't wait for
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
