You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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