The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
