WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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