Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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