She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
