What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
