Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
