I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
