So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
