Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
