dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
