is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Boobs speak an international language.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
