Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
