Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
