i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
