but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
