I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
