You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
