Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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