Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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